My Internal Monologue

I drummed my very first public lion dance today at the Stony Plain Library.  It went well I think.  But I give credit to the incredible team of lions and Buddha I had with me. 

It’s proving hard to describe the experience in a formal fashion and keep it true to how it felt, so instead I think I will share the inner monologue that occurred.  I want to remember all these things that went through my mind and what better way than in a blog.

To give some context,  the lions were led into the library by the Buddha while I drummed. Once they got in, Sifu Brinker was to give a bit of an intro before we did the actual dance.

There’s the signal.  Let’s go.

[7 star drumming commences]

Hm.   Why doesn’t it sound as loud as normal?  Am I hitting the right spot?...yup....is it because the floor is different?....I don’t know.  Just nevermind!  You’re gonna get distracted. 

They’re looking really good!  Audience is loving them so far.

Hmmm...they’re dancing for quite a while here.  Is this right?  Did I miss something?

Uh oh.  Did Sifu just give me a look from around the bookcase?  Was that a nod?  Was that “good job” or does he want me to close?  I thought they were supposed to actually lay down and then I’d close?? Oh man.  Now I’m not sure.  I’m gonna keep going for a bit.  I’m sure he’ll look at me again more aggressively if he wants me to close.

Yup.  There’s the look!  No mistaking that one.  😬 Ok. Let’s close.

[insert Sifu’s presentation here]

Okay.  They’re ready.  Starting the wake-up.  Don’t forget the pauses!

Going good so far.  Why are my legs shaking?  We’ve barely started.  Nerves?  I wanna stretch out more but my foot is caught in the corner of this bookcase. Damnit I should have moved the drum more.  Pay attention!  Forget your legs!  They’ll be fine!

Oh shit.  Was that the salute??  Damn it.  I’m not sure!!  I’ll keep going.  Noa’s still dancing so I’ll assume it’s not for now.

SHIT! Was that it again!  Omg pay attention Malinda!  Hmm.  I think they’re kinda stalling out in the middle here.  Seems like they’re waiting.  Oh man I don’t wanna do the waves if they’re not.....

[DO THE WAVE!...whispered from behind me]

Oh shit.  That’s Sifu  Brinker.  Okay those were for sure salutes then.  Let’s do this!  Into the wave we go!

Boom, click, boom-boom, click....hey my 5 star ain’t sounding too bad today...boom, click. boom-boom....

Okay.  Lettuce is down.  Let’s close.

Ready for the stalking.  Don’t forget the pauses.

This is going ok I think.  

Ahahaha...I love how Shira is pushing Noa away.  Too funny.

I need to work on my softer 8 counts.  They sound terrible.  Hopefully nobody else notices.

These kids are starting to crowd me.  Did someone just step on my heel?

Okay...1 more toss.....damnit...those kids ran in.  I can’t start the last toss with them all there.  Can Shira and Noa see them?  No idea.  I’m holding.   I don’t want anyone getting run over.

 Okay, most of them are out.  I see a couple more starting to come in so I better get going before they do!!

Boom! Final toss is done.  Final stretch!

[free-style 7 star]

This is going well!  Crowd is loving all of them. 

Okay.  Maintain the trill.  Volley.  Good.  Stack.  Darn!  Ok stack again.  I can’t see now!  Do they have the banner??  Uh oh.  Oh wait.  Aviva is moving away.  They must have it.  Ok.  Close quick.  Shit I was too late!  I gotta do another round.  Rrrrrrr. Ok close.  Sorry Sihing 😬 (for context...there may or may not have been a small threat regarding this part and me taking too long.

Okay.  Back to freestyling.

Oh wait.  Here comes Noa.  Squish over!  The kids wanna come in closer.  Ugh, who put this bookcase here??

Yup!  There’s the head toss!  Oh shit. I don’t think I drummed properly.  Oh well.  We’re closing.

Bow 1...good.

Bow 2...good.

Bow 3....done!  Wooo!

Ow.  My ankles are sore.  And my legs hurt.  And I’m hungry.

I shouldn’t have worn a sweater.

I feel great.

Whoopsies

IT happened. I dropped my drum stick.

Yesterday at practice, as we were doing the first run-through of the section with the lion and dragon, it just slipped out of my hand.

In that moment, it felt like everything slowed and full minutes passed as I stared at it, watching it sort of bounce and dance along the top of the drum. I recall my other hand still banging away, but I was no longer consciously thinking about the beat.

When I finally managed to grab it, time corrected and carried on at it's regular pace. The world didn't explode...the dance carried on...there weren't people pointing and laughing (except a few snickers from Sifu Brinker from across the room who, of course, of anyone, witnessed the whole thing).

But this has become a clear example of something I already know.

Mistakes are going to happen. We are going to fail. Things are not going to go as planned. We are going to drop our sticks. Just grab it and keep going.




Having said that, it's not a bad idea to have a contingency plan. I just might keep a spare in my belt going forward. 😉

IHC Numbers To Date
Pushups = 33445
Situps = 33470
Kwan Dao = 752
Tai Chi Short = 778
Sparring = 735
Km's = 1480
AOKs = 976

Both Sides

I’ve been feeling somewhat confused lately.

On one hand I feel like I'm not really covering a variety of content in my training. But on the other, I feel like I've been working really, really hard!

So am I doing well? Or am I struggling but don't really know it?

I find it funny that I can't definitively differentiate between the two. I think this goes to show how closely mastery and mediocrity actually live and how easy it can be to slip out of one and into the other without even realizing.

As I write, I'm starting to wonder if where I'm currently residing actually might be the safest place to be. Fully residing in Mastery is a delusion...because I don't think that's actually possible. Fully in Mediocrity is obviously not where I want to be either.

So maybe walking that line, always conscious of both is the best place to be?

One foot in the Mastery realm, working really hard at some things and recognizing the effort I'm putting forth...and one foot in Mediocrity, aware of the things that aren't quite getting the attention they should but keeping close tabs so that they aren't forgotten altogether.

One doesn't really exist without the other.




IHC Numbers To Date

Pushups = 33385

Situps = 33470

Kwan Dao = 742

Tai Chi Short = 777

Sparring = 725

Km's = 1470

AOKs = 959

Day One

Since making the conscious decision to end my daily blogging requirement, I have found myself without ambition to blog much at all.  I've still been making notes and jotting down ideas, but I'm lacking the interest to put it together in a formal way.  And maybe that's okay for now.

In an effort to still progress with this requirement, I began to transfer my written journals for my Chi work to an electronic platform and have started using an app called Day One.  It's essentially a journaling app.  But what I really like are the simple features that also offer fantastic organization and referencing capabilities.  I can easily enter text, voice, pictures, video or even a sketch.  It also offers a "scan text" function.  Which means I'll be transferring all of my written content over to the app (not just my Chi journals anymore).  I can then tag the entry with things like "chi", "chi healing", "kids class idea", "blog idea", "Kwan Dao thoughts", "published blog", "motivation", "one-on-one", etc, etc.  And with a click of a button, I can sort and filter as needed, seeing every entry pertaining to any given topic.

On top of all that, I can also set the app to remind me to blog (whether that be daily, weekly or just on certain days), have the app suggest a topic if needed and even talk to text using my smart watch!!  I've used this several times now to get something down even before I hit the changeroom.

Just because it never made it to a written, published blog, doesn't mean it's not important to my journey.  But if I can't reference it easily in the future, what's the point of even writing it down in the first place?

IHC Numbers To Date

Pushups = 32632
Situps = 32720
Kwan Dao = 720
Tai Chi Short = 758
Sparring = 672
Km's = 1408
AOKs = 929