A Message To My Team

A quick message to my team and instructors,

I'm not going to lie—I was relieved when we ran out of time today.

I know I need to share how I'm doing in order to work through it all. I also realize my recent blog was only the first step, not a resolution of any kind. But to be honest, right now I'm not in a place where I think I could speak openly and honestly, face-to-face, and still hold it together.  So I apologize for not speaking up.

That said, I promise I'm not wallowing. At least, I'm aware of how easy it would be to do that, and I'm trying my best not to. Rather, my current situation just feels overwhelming, and not just with Kung Fu. My home life feels paused as well. Everything churning around in my head is making it difficult to formulate the plans I need in order to keep moving forward with confidence.

These are the questions I keep coming back to:

• What can I still do right now, in this very moment?

• Once I am moving again, how should I ease back into training?

• Whether it's my knee or my back, what do I need to avoid, and what should I focus on instead?

• What are the chances I'll be able to participate on July 1, and what might that realistically look like?

• What modifications can I make to my requirements, both personal and pre-set, so I can continue to honour the spirit of them and still get the most out of the experience?

• How will this all affect my grading year specifically?  How should I approach my physical candidate requirements if these injuries continue to linger? Board breaking? Five applications?  And will there be ways to do this as to still qualify for a grading?

• How do I still support the team, and my fellow candidates, in a meaningful way?

• What modifications should I be considering for my staff form, whether temporary or permanent?

• How will I approach instructing, lesson planning, and managing classes?

And then, essentially, repeat most of those same questions in relation to my home and family life.

I fully recognize where I'm at, and I know this feeling will pass. But I also recognize that it won't be the injuries healing that determines when it passes, it's the plan.

I could still be bedridden and get through this slump if I could come up with a plan that made me feel like I was still moving forward. That's what's holding me back right now. I can't seem to come up with an action plan that I feel good about.

But as I was writing this, something shifted slightly.

Listing these things out makes them feel less like one giant tangled problem and more like several smaller problems that can be tackled one at a time.

So here's my first plan:

Today, I'm only going to work on the first question.

What are all the things I can still do right now, in this very moment?