Tournament Sparring....The Results

Tiger Challenge 2025 is now past.  And as many of you know, I had been waffling about entering the sparring event. The little push from the team was quite helpful...so thank-you.  But ultimately, there were two main reasons why I ended up "ripping off the bandaid" so to speak.  

One.  For weeks, I had been encouraging and pushing all of my students to set aside their apprehension or nervousness, and to just enter.  How could I, logically, not heed that same advice and set a good example?

Two.  As a Brown Belt I am much more aware of my proximity to grading.  And I suddenly had this terrible, panic inducing thought of my first tournament sparring experience being in the Black Belt division.  Ummm...nope.  If I didn't take the plunge now, I probably never would.

And so I entered.  Not only was it a great experience, but there was quite a bit of fun and a lot of laughs to be had.  As a female opposing two larger males, I definitely had the crowd on my side as the "underdog".  So that was fun....for me that is.  Lol.  Also, partways through my match with Todai Raw, I lost a contact.  I've been wearing contacts since I was about 12....and I have never had one pop out.  But suddenly, at point call, I realized that I couldn't see out of one eye.  Lo and behold, we found it almost crushed under Sifu Rybak's foot.  And so I picked it up, put it on the table, and carried on with the match.  On top of all that, and in typical ironic fashion, I ended up having to fight 3 matches consecutively.  Of course that would happen that way.  Lol.  

But all in all it was actually quite fun.  I came out with a bunch of bruises, a swollen ankle, a few good stories and the knowledge that these things really aren't as scary as we make them out to be.

Mash-Up

So on one hand I am excited to be incorporating some new and important details to my spear form.  I feel like I'm really taking it to the next level.  

On the other hand, I wasn't really thinking about the timing.  

I mean, who breaks their form 72 hours before the Tiger Challenge??

oo!!...oo!!....I do!!!!  ✋✋

As I've been working on these changes, I realized I couldn't really get through a rep anymore in one piece, because my mind was stalling out in different spots trying to think about was I was doing versus what I want to be doing.  And so earlier today I thought, okay...let's just put these changes aside and I'll just do it how I was before, just for the tournament.

Nope.  Doesn't work that way.  Once you put something in that you know is "more right" and "more better"...it's not that easy anymore to go backwards.  

And so I'm in a bit of a "mash-up" phase at the moment.  Little of the new...little of the old...not fully to one side or the other.

Having said all that....would I go back in time and put this progress on hold for the sake of the tournament.  No.  I would not.  I kind of feel like this week has been really advantageous for my form as a whole with some really important steps taken to get it super solid for the Chinese New Year.  But for tomorrow....yeah...it's anyones guess.

But I think I'm at peace with that.  

On another note...I had my doctors appointment for my hand today.  He's fairly certain it's a ligament injury and not something like a break.  He's still sending me for an x-ray though, to make certain.  But he advised me to rest it and not do anything like hitting walls (he intended this as a joke) or the activity that caused the damage in the first place (which would be spear/Kung Fu).  I told him that I will be using my spear, sparring and breaking wooden boards tomorrow.  I think he thought I was joking at first...but then just had an odd look of "wtf" on his face when he realized I was serious.  I also think he knew that it was non-negotiable because he didn't proceed to fight me on it.  So I'm taking his lack of "insistence" as being medically cleared.  😉😜

Tournament Sparring

I have been trying to convince myself to enter the sparring event at the Tiger Challenge for several weeks now.  The thought alone makes me start to panic.

Although I'm starting to feel a little more comfortable in class, the main reason for that is because it's so controlled.  Even when we free-spar, the lower ranking, or less comfortable student, sets the pace.  So there's always that safety net.

A tournament setting, I think, is a whole different dynamic.  At least I'm assuming it is.  I wouldn't expect anyone to hold back because of MY anxiety.  In fact, I'd WANT them to really be able to showcase their skill.  And it's nerve-wracking to think of being just completely obliterated in that setting.  I would have no expectation of winning.  But I would like to at least be a bit of a challenge for someone.

In addition, I also look where I am in my training, and I'm a little embarrassed that sparring is an event that I've never entered.  As a Brown Belt, this sort of feels a little "unacceptable" to me.  And this also adds to the anxiety.

And yes...I realize much of this is ego.  Ugh...

Anyhow, I want to be clear in my intent of this blog and say that I'm not looking for "tire-pumping".  But rather, if anyone has some words of wisdom that could get me out of my head (and into a ring)...lay 'em on me.

I Don't Get It

I injured my hand a while back.  Remember when I turned my spear into a hoe?  Yup, that's when it happened.  When my spear caught, it ended up causing my thumb to jam pretty badly (actually more than just the thumb...but that big meaty part that goes with it).  Ever since then, I haven't been able to grasp anything without some pretty decent pain.  I had hoped it would resolve itself, but here we are, a full 2 months later.  

I've been saying the last couple weeks "I need to make an appointment", but for some reason everything else has beat it on my priority list.  And to be honest, I can't figure out why because it's causing problems in other areas; pottery, ukulele and gardening.  Simple things like squeezing the shampoo and mustard bottles are out of the question as well.  I've been squishing these against other surfaces to get by.

It sounds comical as I describe the struggles, but seriously?...why do we put these things off?  If it were someone else...the kids, dan...I would have made an appointment long ago.

So why, when it come to our own health, do we procrastinate?

Ugh

 I continue to struggle with blogging and I just can't figure it out.  Thoughts, writing, all of it, used to just come so naturally.  And although I've managed to keep doing it, my blogs are just so "meh".

Typically, we say that when we have nothing to blog about, it will usually mean that we aren't training.  But that's really not the case.  I'm working on a lot of different things.  Making progress (I think and hope!!...lol).  Discovering things and finding "ah-ah" moments and staying engaged.  

Yet I continue to struggle to put it on paper in a meaningful way.

And it's gone from being worrisome, to frustrating and now just annoying.

I've tried to tell myself to just not worry about it.  Just write.  And that eventually it will all come back around.  But it hasn't.

Ugh.