Construction Zone

Kwoon week has been quite productive. Although sometimes it's hard to tell when you're in the thick of it.  

I find that while working on a renovation project...one which requires a lot of that "behind the scenes" work (ie. design and planning, coordination, drywall, taping, mudding...and all the other things that sit hidden behind the final product that everyone else sees)...it takes a while before you feel like you're actually accomplishing something.  When there are still loads of materials piled around you...or tools and supplies scattered about...it can feel a bit overwhelming and as though you're not really making any progress.  In fact, it can feel like you're digging yourself further and further into a job that you maybe didn't think was going to be so complex or take so long.

But then suddenly, things will turn...and you'll start to be able to envision the final result.

This is a lot like our Kung Fu.  There are times when it feels like we are putting so much time and effort in, yet we aren't seeing the results we'd like.  We continue to work, yet we are having difficulty envisioning what the final outcome will be.  It can be hard to remember that it's all the "ugly" stuff behind the paint that gives the work integrity.  And maybe we even start second guessing whether we are doing the right things, or making the right decisions along the way.  We look around and all we see is unfinished bits and pieces, tools, supplies, dust and garbage everywhere.  Maybe we even have to do something over again because it didn't quite turn out the first time.  And everything is a bit of a disaster zone really.  But eventually, we get to a point where we can start putting things away, little by little.  Drywall is up...we won't need those cutoffs anymore...let's get rid of those.  Done sanding...let's vacuum up that dust.  Priming complete...let's get rid of those cans.

And eventually, little by little, the whole space starts coming together bit by bit.  

The hardest part, I find, is to simply trust the process.

Clutter

We've taken advantage of having my in-laws here and have been accomplishing some projects around the house.  Much of it has involved organization, getting rid of old junk and downsizing.  What a difference an organized space make with my mindset.  When my house gets cluttered, I always feel a certain amount of anxiety.  Once it's clean is when I can relax and focus on more pleasurable things.

What I haven't been able to figure out is the chicken or the egg.

Does my mind become cluttered because of my cluttered space?

Or does my space become cluttered because of my cluttered mind?

Aug 16 Numbers

Apologies team.  I've been running ragged since my in-laws arrived.  But here are some numbers.

Camping

We are just out camping this weekend.  It's been really nice spending some much needed time slowing down and breathing in nature.  

I do find it a bit difficult to do my forms just out and about in front of people.  But I did manage to go for a run two days and got my pushups and sit-ups in.  

I did the basic 2km runs.  My times were not awesome...but in my defence there were a lot of hills and more rugged terrain.  But I still was able to do them without stopping....and that I am proud of.

Whatever Comes Out

My mind seems to be a bit all over the place here today.  So after sitting here for much too long, I decided to just set my timer for 5 minutes and see what came out.

I'm working on a lot of different things at the moment.

I've re-broken my kick in Spear.  I had been focussing on getting height between the two kicks.  And I was making some progress.  But after some further discussion on it, I realized (with some assistance) that height shouldn't be my intent.  What's important in that sequence is the first kick and the last.  Nobody is going to care how high I get if my final kick doesn't do what it's supposed to.  Once I get the kicks nailed down, then I can gradually increase height, if it makes sense to do so.  In the initial stages of this change, my timing is a definitely off, as are my vectors.  But I'll get there.  And once I do, I'll start working on something else and break it again.

I continue to work on DMH 5 as a main focus....

Ooop!!  Timer just went off.  I'll set it for another 5.

DMH 5.  We were asked in class this past week what our main "issue" would be in our forms.  What comes to mind for me is my eyes...maybe better described as my mental gaze (not sure that makes sense or quite covers what I mean...lol).  I tend to look inward, more than outward, making many of my forms quite internal, so to speak.  In some places this is fine...ideal even.  But for DMH specifically, this is predominately an external form.  As I work on this, I am finding it sort of like meditating.  I'll start off with my eyes outward, locked on an opponent.  Then suddenly, in the middle of the form, I realize I've come back inside, and I have to shift them back out.  Actually wait....now that I think about it, it's pretty much the complete OPPOSITE of meditation.  When I meditate, my intent is to keep my focus within.....and often I'll find my mind wandering out.  But with my forms I, my intent...

5 minutes went off again!!!  Ok.  Just 5 more...

...my intent should be outward on an opponent but it keeps drifting back in!  Hm.  Isn't that interesting.  Lol.  Another thing I'm noticing as I try to "gaze beyond my bubble", is that when I do so, I will sometimes find my body following.  What I mean by that is that I will sometimes feel a shift out of my centre ....almost reaching along with my focus....and even losing stability and balance.  This is also really interesting.  My mental gaze seems to be very connected to my centre.  Hm.  The words "mental energy" and "physical energy" just popped into my head.  Anyways, I feel that I am experiencing some sort of disconnection here and will continue to explore.  Maybe it's just gonna take some practice to be able to send my focus outward further and further.  Kinda like stretching to increase flexibility...but for my mind.

Times up!!  And no reset this time.  😊